Like the rest of the country i'm appalled at the tragedy that unfolded in Wexford over the weekend.
It's really got me thinking about life and society and I have to say it does not inspire me that we are travelling in the right direction. My thoughts on this are not exactly conventional and I speak as someone who has very little experience of suicide, but I am disturbed by the prevelence of it in society today and have my own opinion on how we have gotten to this point.
There's a device on the market currently which apparently gives out a sound on a frequency that only under 25's can hear, there's a silent scream that people who are in terrible pain give out too, but there are very few people who are attuned to hear it, maybe if we faced up to some recent cases we might try a bit harder.
1. Everybody hurts.
The REM song, like many pieces of art, works because people can silently identify with how it reflects thier own lives. How come as a society we regard hurting as a weakness rather than as a normal part of life? How come we invent millions of things to medicate the pain as the cure to something "wrong" with people?
2. Everybody denies it.
How have we evolved into a society where it's not ok to say we hurt? How have we gone down a road where depression is seen as a fault, where feeling pain is regarded as softness, where feeling fear has to be covered up in case it reflects negatively on us? For men particularly, how come we use sport or politics or property prices as our core conversations to cover up how we really feel about the challenges we face in a rapidly changing society?
3. We avoid rather than listen
Must everything be either judged or deflected? How come our listening skills are so bad? How come no-one can pick up on the pain until it's too late? How have people become so oblivious to the pain in others? Is it because if we never understand the pain in others that we then don't have to acknowledge our own?
Is it so we can convince ourselves that we're ok? Are we attempting to create the illusion that life is constantly great? If it's true then why the hell do thing like this happen? It's not great all the time, but it's definately not ok to say that?
4. How can we change our outlook?
Why is the pursuit of happiness such an important concept? I can understand the pursuit of pleasure, or the pursuit of a better life.. but the pursuit of happiness? All of literature, all of philosophy, all of psychology tell us that constant happiness is not a real or sustainable state, but we are constantly told, get this book and you'll be happy, gain that degree and you'll be happy, get that boyfriend and you'll be happy, take this drug and you'll be happy, buy that dress/car/apartment and you'll be happy. We know it's not true, but still we irrationally believe it.
5. Can we hear the scream and help?
Yes i believe we can if we choose to, I feel we have lost the art of listening, the skills of listening to understand. We have no time to listen, and sometimes by listening to others we may have to confront the pain in ourselves. There is just not enough emphasis on listening, it's not a panacea to solve all ills, but so many people wade through life feeling that nobody understands who they really are. I'm not talking about therapy here, although increased access to therapy would be a wonderful thing, i'm talking about friendship, and how we as friends can help to cut through the BS position of "everything's wonderful" and "sure I'm as happy as Larry".
6. Can we drop the illusion?
I'm not sure, i think it may be too powerfully ingrained, the connection that "if i'm not wonderfully happy, then i'm inadaquate and there's something wrong with me and i better hide it" is very deeply entrenched.
There are too many guru's, too many vested interests. I think the best we can do is develop the ability to listen to and support people and let them know just because they feel unhappy does not make them unique, does not make them inadaquate, does not make them failures...... IT JUST MAKES THEM HUMAN!
