it's a funny time Christmas!

I suppose the most important things about Christmas from a parent's viewpoint is that the children enjoy it, that it's not too stressful. that we don't get into any major arguments and that we feel happy and OK about ourselves as partners, parents and family members.

From that perspective i've had a lovely one, the girls got lovely stuff and have been consumed by them since, so it's been fairly quiet, which was important as my mum spent Christmas with us, it was not easy for her as Dad is only dead ten weeks and the wounds and lonesomeness are never far from her. She got through it and has just returned home, it's a bit difficult because the rest of us have moved on somewhat and begun to settle back into our lives, it's almost impossible for mum as Dad was her life and now that he's gone she feels helpless and everything seems a bit poiintless.

I had a great Christmas eve, we whizzed round the shops with very little to buy, and had a lovely time just meeting people and generally doing very little, in the evening Enda and I went to town and had great fun for a few hours before getting home to put stuff together and wrap for Ireland.

Christmas day was a lovely breakfast, mass, the Christmas day swim (i only raised €345 but then i only got bloody cards on Christmas eve) which was great fun and exhilarating, and then home for present opening (i got really great gifts this year) Cooking dinner was a blast and it was lovely, we rounded off the night with one of my favourite movies (which Cathy bought me on DVD) "Life is beautiful" and then we laughed and cried before traipsing off to bed.

The only downside was the re-emergence of that bloody toothache, but i got over that and today was better from that perspective.

today we all got up late, i went to curry's and got €100 off the beautiful klipsch igroove, brought it home and have been doodling and fluting since. expect tonight to bring more of the same.

have now started "The God Delusion' by Richard dawkins..... wonder what effect that's going to have!

what's the difference?

The last week or two has been amazing for me.... have had so many ideas springing up that sometimes i can't keep up, this post is a attempt to figure out another one.

our biggest fear, doubt, insecurity is being found out, of people discovering what we feel we are "really like" we think that if people could really see us, if we were exposed, that people might be shocked, and we might be laughed at, humiliated, ridiculed or ostracised.

the space between the person we show to others, and how we think we really are is a massive determinant of how safe and secire we feel in our lives. this has a lot to do with how much "pretending" we do and how we "really" feel about ourselves.

when that gap is narrow, either by lowering our pretending or by feeling better about ourselves, we feel safe and confident.

but when it's a big GAP, either by us feeling terrible about ourselves, or by expecting huge amounts from ourselves, then we feel insecure, doubtful, worried and plain bloody terrified about ourselves.

success is not about cars, or bars or even stars!

confidence and success is about believing, really believing who the we are..... and being brave enough to authentically present that to the world.... there will always be a difference, but we have the choice of whether it's a small difference, or a gaping chasm... if it's one of those then all the recognition, awards, material stuff and crap in the world won't make a blind feckin bit of difference.

be brave

Just a notch or two!

Seems like bloody years since i updated this blog, am in Cork, was in Dublin all last week, am in Galway later this week, and then my friends it's Christmas, and during Christmas, i fully intend to do sweet FA.

I'm hugely enjoying my work at the moment, coaching (which i had sometimes began to doubt) is an amazing process, and the insights and tweaks we are getting are just wonderful.

I've also discovered something amazing, i'm currently calling it the "polar oposite defence" and i think it's the most important thing i have dicovered since i began coaching seriously 4 years ago. The polar opposite defence basically means running to the very opposite of the behaviour challenged in order to defer or avoid making the necessary changes.

For example, if it emerges that the issue someone has centres around the fact that they are over protective of information, the coachee will often say.. "oh i suppose i should be running around the place letting everyone know what's going on like some kind of town crier"

This constant running to the very opposite of the behaviour in order to avoid taking the necessary action to move a notch or two in that direction is used as a justification of the current behaviour and keeps the person stuck with the same challenges they presented with, so someone who's issue is a desire to control everything will say... "oh so i should let them all run riot then should i?" when what might work is giving them a bit more freedom and then seeing how it al works out... but it's easier to justify the current position and do nothing.

i'm going to use some time at christmas to develop this idea and discover how people can move things a notch or two and continue with experimentation all life long rather than taking a strong position and justifying it.

so much for sweet FA.

Happy Christmas.

postitioning the proposition

Just had a couple of brilliant days, yesterday i had a new group and the day before i had a new client and the same issue sprang up, how do we position our proposition, do we go in as the experts, or is it better to seek peoples input in a collobrative approach.

yesterday i positioned my work to a group better than i ever have before, it came naturally, however like baking the perfect loaf, i'm buggered if i can remember the exact ingredients, or the exact order, but i know it turned out superb

i think there were two key points

me being here does not mean there is something wrong with you
and
I'm not here to change or manipulate you, who you are, your personality, or your perceptions.

what i can do is help you to gain awareness, and maybe tweak one or two things, with your agreement, that will lead you to better results


sorry i'm scribbling here in a rush.....

Wiped

Another group gone home happy, either because they got something out of the programme or maybe just because they are gone home, but it's the end of another 5 day management development programme for this particular group. We got through a lot of work and i find i often feel a bit drained when the course is over.

i'm a person who usually has a good deal of energy, and it's never a problem when the group is there and i'm getting my energy from interacting with them, but always when they leave i get this sudden wipeout and feel totally zonked.

i wonder what it would take for me to be able to energise myself? is it as simple as getting up and doing something else? Do i actually need the zonked period to recover? or should i just ball in with another group as soon as humanly possible.

this year is the first year i can remember when i will be flat to the boards right up until Christmas, it's always been a busy time, but nothing like this, i'm wondering how i will handle it all, the problem is i am on the road and when i'm finished dealing with the people, there is just an empty room for the evening.

Maybe i should buy three brilliant boooks, two business and one fiction and try to read them in tamdem, the alternative is to call everyone i know in dublin and cork and arrange nights out, dinners etc, but i doubt that will increase my effectiveness for the work.

anyway, it will be an interesting time for me.... am looking forward to Christmas when i think about it, but in contrast to other years, i have hardly thought about it... in fact i was amazed in the Kilmore hotel in Cavan yesterday to be confronted with a huge Christmas tree inside the front door, i thought they had gone mad or something until i realised that it's only four weeks, anyway this is a lot better than whiling and wishing my life away.

strange week,

it's been a strange random kinda week, the highlight being Celtic beating United, the lowlight being the news that my friend has cancer, and 600 things in between.

I am having the website redesigned and refitted to have a blog there and so that's where most of my ramblings shall be in future, but i might keep the odd bit here for old times sake...

i complained about the heating in this office complex for 3 days in a row, and they have finally done something about it, the sonthing is to turn it up to full blast and leave it on all day.... slight overcompensation, can't decide if it's intentional or not... i asked a guy to redesign the website this week and (i won't name him) this is the response i got... i have read it 50 times and i still can't believe anyone in business would have an attitude like this... but let him off.... enjoy it

It's was entitled "reservations"

"Paul

I am just sending a brief message in reference to our telephone
conversation earlier today -

The reason for this message is because I wanted to explain my current
position in case it influences your decision to wait until February
for me to redesign your website.

I have taken a look over your website, skimming and reading the
content, and I am a little confused as to what it is about.

I am assuming that the content will be rewritten for the new site to
be more simple and accessible, as web users are skimmers themselves,
but I have a few reservations about taking on this sort of job so I
think you will have to sell it to me.

The irony of this is not lost on me.

As a rule I do not work on a job by job basis, but instead have a
limited client list. For me, as a designer, it is important for me to
be behind a product or service in order for me to do my job properly,
and with my current schedule I don't have time to do any less than 100%.

I hope that I am not coming across as rude, as I am quite no-nonsense
and straightforward, but at first sight Newton Performance Coaching
doesn't seem to fall into step with XXXXXXX, and I am not sure how
well that would work out.

If I have got the wrong impression and you would like to clarify
this, please do not hesitate to contact me, and I hope that my
frankness is received in the manner it is intended.

Regards
XXXXXXXXXX
Mixed Media Designer"

jaysus lads it's a wonderful wonderful world......

If i had one minute!

was wondering, if i had one minute to blog before the computer expired, this is real i have about 30 secs of battery life left, what would i write about, i'd write about the randomness of the world, while one friend has cancer, while i and the rest of us are fine, why chance plays such a vital role in our lives, and trying to examine what co-incidence means?

mostly i'd write neither about the fairness nor unfairness of the world, but the pure bloody ramdomness of it.

is there a future for compromise rules?

The masters games were played in a wonderful spirit, the over 40's of Ireland and the Australian over 35's served up two very enjoyable games and a brilliant experience for all involved.

The seniors was something totally different, something ugly that i've seen before and that is greatly admired in Irish (and Australian) society but which CANNOT possibly contribute to society in a positive way.

Sportspeople are now being motivated and coached to believing in themselves and thier causes to the entext that they no longer believe that the normal laws and mores of society apply to them. I've had many opportunities to personally observe the behaviour of elite athletes, and there is no doubt in my mind, that the word "special" often goes to thier head and can be grotesquely mis-interpreted to allow athletes to believe they are above the law.

While the violence at yesterdays game was not as outrageous as the press would apear to hysterically indicate, and certainly not as bad as two club GAA incidents that i have been part of, it still would appear that the reason ireland did not win is not that they were not prepared to win at all costs, it's just that they were not as good at "winning at all costs" as the Australians were.

The major point of all this is that we were always conditioned to believe that participation in sport was an excellent preperation for life and that it passed along values of fairness, competitiveness, courage and discipline. The descent from those olympian ideals has been stark, so to be an elite athlete nowadays often involves cheating, drugs, violence, singlemindedness and an obsession to win.... i'm not so sure anymore if sport offers a healthy route.

In the 19th and 20th centuries the Military was the place to prove your might, your prowess, your patriotism, the fact that this involved sacrifice, discipline and official hyprocisy that occassionally led to brutality, rape, and murder was overlooked for the cause. I have a feeling that todays elite sportspeople are being brainwashed in the same way and motivated to believe that the occassional bit of violence, roasting, cheating or thuggery is ok, after all, haven't they shown the sacrifice and discipline needed.

Unless they can control this game, they should stop the series, but society must further realise that it's not the game that's at fault here, it's the mentality that is being driven into young men and women. We don't need the compromise rules to show us that, all we have to do is see the Galway hurling final.

There is something rotten in the state of Denmark.

Takin a mark!

Totally enjoyed the 2 games so far against the Aussies, feels great to be out there playing, the only downside is the bloody shape some of these guys are in, usually i feel ok about the shape i'm in, could be a bit better, but then compared to my mates it's not bad, then I have to line out against some guys who are in feckin brilliant shape and i feel, there's only one word for this....FAT.

So between now and Christmas there is going to be a serious effort to shed the ned.... it's not the biggest ned in the world, but i'd feel a whole lot better if it dissapeared completely.

As for the games so far, Sat was great fun, really hard and tough, Monday night in Cavan was so wet and miserable, that it was hard to savour the experience sometime, still i got to play under superb lights, and i did score a neat goal to finish off the Aussie challenge, did the same Saturday, i may have a knack for getting my scores at the right time.

Busy at work today, have one of them days tomorrow where the day session is followed by an evening programme somewhere else, looking forward to it actually, being on my feet from 9.30 in the morning until 10 at night was once only a pipe dream, now it's a reality, i'm going to enjoy it.

Ok.... better get preparing....

Here we go!!!

Masters (over 40's) compromise rules 1st test

Ireland V Australia

Am looking forward to taking on the Aussies this weekend, and playing for Ireland, the last time i was picked on an Irish team was 1986 and it was in basketball, twenty years on and my life has changed a fair bit but i am really keen on this compromise game, it's very physical and hard to get use to, but i love the contact and the hard hits.

let the games begin.

How did i ever live without one!

Good lord....how did i ever live without a scanner, and how did the world ever cope with not having this photo... such a lovely boy.... the two auld fellas look very dodgy though!

Grappling!

There are some interesting views on the Monaghan crash and the future of road safety in Ireland over at http://www.sarahcarey.ie/ and also at http://www.twentymajor.blogspot.com/

The daft thing is that politicians seem to feel that the behaviour of young people is something that they can control, and then claim credit for, am i the only person in the country who is morbidly amused that the headline on friday "gardai crackdown on road users yeilding results" are invariably followed by saturdays headlines "4 dead in head on collision.

The politicians can at best provide regulation and enforcement to attempt to influence peoples behaviour and fair play to the people who came up with the irish road safety campaigns, it's brilliant and i would imagine has saved lives.

This reminds me of the zero tolerance regime which apparently reduced crime in NYC sucessfully in the late 80's, which the police and mayor claimed all the credit and political kudos for. Malcolm Gladwell in his book "Blink" makes a fairly convincing arguement that the major contributor to the fall in crime was the Roe V Wade (1972) judgement which made abortion legal and ensured that those who would have been the major perpetrators of such crime in the late 80's and early 90's were never born in the first place.

We should be looking to the ling term in our road safety strategy rather than trying to apply sensationalist bandaids everytime there is a particularly horrific tragedy. We need a cultural change, driver education would be a start, proper enforcement, like at the times when the accidents are actually happening as opposed to 7.30 in the morning would help, and proper infrastructure.

you can't control young people, the best you can hope for is to positively influence them, fear does not seem to be working as a deterrent, maybe we should try something else.

The Sunday Indo....

Yesterday the Sunday Independent snuck into my house, Maggie was on the flight into Sligo and they give them away free on the plane, it's been a while since I've seen this quality broadsheet, so I thought I'd have a look to see what quality stories and political insight would be available.

Well page one had a remarkable article of massive consequence by Brendan O'Connor on the life and times of Fr. Brian Darcy..... and a political campaign to end stamp duty...ok i thought...there must be little happening this weekend..so i turned to page three, which after all it is the key page on any broadsheet... wow.. lola cashman still has Bono's trousers... .. quick glance to page two... well would you look...four young men killed in monaghan...where will we hide that Aengus?....oh put it on page two...we have important stories about the lack of Brian D'Arcy's sex life and Bono's trousers for the main news pages... i really don't know what was in the rest of the paper, I have better things to do with me time (like wallpaper the garden fence)

I heard recently that Brendan O'Connor is being groomed as the new editor of the Indo... God help us!

I used to think it was a tabloid dressed up as a broadsheet, it's not, it's just mass market trash..... there's only one real use to which the Sunday Indo should be put, but i find the paper a bit hard and non absorbent!

Shit happens

I really think the world is going daft, there is a major scandal on now because the national childrens hospital did not have the right screening procedures for Hep C in the early 90's, now i can understand a scandal if they had actually caused infections, but the only thing wrong (15 years ago) was a screening procedure.

The child protection bill which is going through the house of commons at the moment requires screening and a licencing system for all those who come in contact with children, either professionally or in a voluntary capacity, in otherwords the Brits have now decided that all grown up's are potential peadophiles and that all children should be scared of them....

all this reminds me of the movie the village, where the elders whip up poisonous fear and hysteria in order to maintain political control and keep everyone in line, if things keep going like this people will be afraid to go out thier front doors, creativity and adventure will be stifled and we'll all be walking round like crash test dummies and behaving like happy little consumers, i'm fecking sick of it anyway.

It used to be almost funny, this stuff about bogey men and pookas, but if this bullshit continues there will be no children out to play anymore, nobody to give blood, nobody to coach the underage sports team, nobody to take a stand on anything....i'm bloody sick of this consistant bad news and scaremongering,,,feckin sick of it.. you'd never notice would ya.

I even have a great idea for reducing road deaths, ban cars.... why do we have to live in a bloody world where people can't realise that "shit happens"? that people will be killed on the roads, that children will die, that mistakes will occassionally be made, i'm all for standards me, but if the level of regulation is strangling the life out of the people, where do we stop, there would be no drunken fights at night if we just imposed a curfew! no accidents without cars.. and no sporting peados if we banned all juvenile sports... sounds like afganistan or disneyland

Stepping forward!

Is it possible to step forward without doubt? I'm heading into a new phase of the business and although i'm confident that i'm doing the right thing i'm also really nervous of myself, a big fear in my life is letting people down, or more accurately causing people to think or speak poorly of me, so with anything new comes the risk that occassionally i won't be able to keep my promises and people will think less of me.

The truth is that how this works out will be directly linked to the effort and work that goes into it, if we acknowledge that doubt, and tear in nonetheless, then i have a feeling that it will be better than fine, the challenge is not to let the doubts rule, to allow them to paralyse and frustrate our efforts.

It's a fairly simple business really, decide on the plan, generate and package the ideas, sell them regularly and establish good relationships, deliver the goods, keep at it..... it's no different really from selling soap, candles, saucepans or shovels.

A friend made me really smile last week when she told me her son has started first year in UCD and he's doing astrophysics, that is rocket science apparently, this should'nt be.

ya lose one, ya gain one

This is my new niece Grace, she's very nice in the way that babys are very nice, if you lined up 7 babies in an identity parade and asked me to pick the same one twice...i would have a one in seven chance of getting it right. they all kinda look the same to me, but it is strange and wierd to look at the very beginning of a life, so quickly after being there for the very end of another.

Life is precious, in our society we certainly think it is, i witnessed enough resources being used to try and keep my father alive and wondered about it, here was a man who lived a smashing life, was now 81 and in serious trouble, and yet the time, drugs and medical expertise invested in his last few days would probably have kept a bombay clinic serviing hundreds open for a week. we certainly cherish the old in western society, i'm not saying that we should'nt by the way, i'm only asking the question,

but back to grace, the changes she will witness, my dad saw the introduction of the motor car and electricity, i saw the introduction of the computer and satalite communications, my daughter was about for the internet and the mobile communication explosing, god only knows what grace will be about for, the cure to cancer?, a muslim v christian world war? we have no idea (except that Fine Gael won't be in Govt much).. but it's exciting and i hope she enjoys it greatly, i'm sure she will, she has great parents (despite the Elvis fixation..lol)

am in a pondery mood

Give me a lever long enough and I'll move the world.

I’m back at work, what someone called the return to normality, things will return to normal, but the normal I knew with my father will never return.

I have not had the opportunity to be on my own and reflect until today, and writing this is an attempt to deal with the numbness and lost feeling I have in the wake of his death, I’ve seen it hundreds of times in books and films, the bond between fathers and sons, the desire to make him proud, the closeness and distance that exists, the acceptance both have of each others achievements and weaknesses.

His passing was a unique experience for me, the sense of peace, the knowledge that he had lived a full and passionate life, the understanding that I had little left to share with him as he moved on, the simplicity of holding his hand and knowing that he was leaving us, not through his choice, but because of the natural movement of life and the passing of time which cannot ever be recovered no matter how we wish it.

If I had one more day with him I could not share anything else, we shared our lives with each other to a huge extent, he saw me at my strongest and proudest, he also experienced me weak and almost beaten, but we never gave in to it, we never let life with all it’s pain and hardships overcome us, we always drove on, usually with his encouragement and I’m still here, emboldened with the courage he vested in me to carry on, to move forward, to live a life that, I can look back on from deaths perspective and feel that I have given it my all, that I have given it my best.

“Straighten yourself up”, that’s what he always said to us, carry yourself well, and face the ball, face the world, take it on and be strong, be strong for those around you, and yet with that strength be gentle, the gentle that carries those who are not so strong safely, my father had a intense dislike of bullies, he lacked respect for those who used their advantages in life to hurt others, he always advised us to take them on, the bully is a coward he said, stand up to him and he will never best you, be strong. He was a giant of a man, all 6”8” of him and yet he was at his best with babies and toddlers, they adored him, his disarming way of showing them true gentleness and fun.

His stories are legendary, I have no intention of going back over them here, the happiest times of my childhood were when we were alone together, either at the bog, down the fields, at a match or driving to Donegal in the old peugeot, with the gear lever on the steering wheel, discussing that nights Eurovision and singing “what’s another year”. They are the times I look back fondly upon, I almost broke his heart with some of my behaviour, but he would always support me, always be there for me. He was my port of last resort, and he would bail me out, we got through those times and grew closer because of them, and when he died I knew I owed him nothing except to keep his values intact, to live a life that gave of my best, that left it out there on the field, a life that would allow me to live at peace with myself.

Everyone leaves a legacy, some people leave millions of pounds, some leave heartache and sorrow, my father left neither of those, he left something far more valuable, he left me the things he valued greatly, the virtue of strength, the importance of gentleness, the necessity for dignity, the power of passion. He used to instill in me that nothing was beyond me if I had the guts and sought the education to go for it, when I was little and out with him digging holes or drains occassionally we would come up against an unmovable rock, an impossible obstacle, and he would examine it, and dig around it and then ask for a crow bar, a few well placed stones, his incredible strenght and a few minutes later the massive rock would begin to shift, as he took it out of the ground he would always say. “give me a lever long enough and I’ll move the world” You did move it big man, you did.

JP Newton 1925 – 2006 RIP Ni bheidh a leitheid aris ann.

Business

Business is like riding a bicycle....if you stop peddling....you're gonna fall off.

Getting back in the swing!

Momentum is so important, especially for me, if i get a break away from things i find it hard to pick up again where i left off.

It's really important that i tear into the work for this spet, oct, now and dec...... there are changes in work that may require me to take on more staff..... there are some big contracts out there waiting to be won and delivered, there are a lot of good and positive things going on and there are a lot of distractions.

There's the football club championship, and all the work that's involved in that.
There's Roscommon being in the all ireland....and all the excitement that goes with that.
There's the champions league, and Celtics fantastic draw of exciting matches.

Without being fundamentalist about it, i have to handle all these things without letting them impinge on the important work i have to do.....i need dsicipline (not always my greatest quality) and it's going to require a big effort.... still i have lots of evidence to show me that i can achieve all of that...

sorry for rambling......it;'s time to get the head down!

A whole bloody month!

oh too long, far too long it's been since i last posted on here, actually i nearly had to figure out how to do it all over again, it's also been too long since i stood in celtic park, my self imposed exile has ended and i'm mad to get back there, looks like the hibs game in spetember, the huns game in october and perhaps the champions league might bring us to some sunny and exotic place as well, my preference right now would be croatia perhaps.

Reading fiction for the first time in about a year, the book seems to throw forward the idea that life and war is not about how much pain you can inflict, but how much you can endure, and of course it set me thinking that the only thing standing between us and whatever we desire in this life is fear, fear of the pain it will cause us to get whatever it is, and that once we decide to have what we want, we have only once question to answer.

Are we willing to endure what has to be endured in order to achieve it?

we know, or we can easily find out what must be done, once we have set our objectives, it does not take an awful lot to figure out the raod that must be traveled, if we want to lose weight we know it is going to take sacrifice and exercise, if we want to be a magician it will take learning and endless practice, if we want a new BMW you have to spend lesss or earn more, earning more will mean doing stuff you don't particularly like, or working harder, it's all pain, and we need to figure how much we can get used too, how much we can endure.

That's why we test and stretch ourselves, a life without any pain is a void, the sort of void that one finds when they are hign on heroin, when they blank the world out with alcohol, when they lie to themselves.


There is no such thing as a world without pain, it would be a non world, that does not mean that we should always welcome it, but we should surely respect it's good side, it makes us stronger, it forces us to learn, it's is not a one dimensional "bad" thing that needs to be relieved as soon as it starts, that would make us a world of spoilt brats who get everything we want to avoid the pain.

what am i really trying to say here, i think that i am saying that pain is neither a good or bad thing, it has two sides, and if we want to grow, if we want to sidestep the void, if we want to satisfy our yearning gnawing hunger, then we can only do it by having the courage to decide to face the pain, but to facing it knowing that we will come through it, that it will paly a valuable role in our lives and that if we want to grow,to become strong, wise, courageous, attractive human beings, the we have to take the hit, we have to endure the pain.... it's not our enemy, it's not our friend, but it is our ally, an ally that we should appreciate and respect.

Things we get used to!

I remember a time when i was delighted to just have a car, but today i got a service and had to drive in a small car, it was horrid and cramped and clunky, but years ago i would have been delighted with it.

My internet connection is really slow this evening, by slow i mean slower than "normal" but in reality it is still ten times faster than the dial up connection i had a year ago, so i've adjusted to a new "normal" and when i don't get that i feel frustrated.

I never had holidays years ago, now if i don't get a few breaks a year theres something wrong, another new normal.

it was announced yesterday that ireland is the second wealthiest nation per capita in the world, when i was growing up our cousins did not have an inside bathroom, now normal means jacuzzis and hottubs.

the problem with all this affluence is the feelings it caused whenever our new heightened expectations are not met, we seem to have more anger and frustration than ever, still we must try to keep a balance on it all.

I try to be grateful for the real things in my life, wonderful friends, healthy children, a good home, and lots and lots of laughter, i hope they never dissapear

Another character leaves the stage!!

Wanted to blog today in the hope that some of my inane ramblings will spark some inspiration and I can finally write that magazine article that i've been struggling with over the last 2 days, deadline is tomorrow so i better get a move on, i've even though of plagerising something although right now i'm thinking of the concept of "flow" or authentic happiness as the next step, i have already written 15 articles for this mag so i don't want to be repeating myself either, i think i'll do authentic happiness, i'm feeling really happy myself these days, i have appreciation, i feel i am doing work thats worthwhile, i'm definately putting something back, and i have a fairly positive view of myself and my world.

it's good!

My friend David died last night, i have been happy and sad all day, happy with the memories and sad that a young vibrant life should just dissapear like that, i met some friends for lunch and we laughed so much with stories and memories. I'm not sure people ever get to see or really believe the appreciation that other have for them, maybe we are as well off, we might get arrogant and conceited, but still every know and again we should be really let people know what they mean to us while they are around to hear it. It's the rare compliment that goes astray, even if it's shrugged off at the time, it will usually be remembered at some quiet moment when it will bring a quiet smile.

The session tomorrow night should be some fun, it will bring together a lot of the ludhers who have been on many trips.

World Cup

It's been really great fun so far, England are crap, Argentina are magical and the supporters are not half bad either, what more could you want.

Great Karoke party on Sat night with the best selection of songs i've ever seen, i gave them a green day trilogy, cathy and I did american idiot and holiday and i did minority on me own, such craic.

Sunday was the Rossies, brilliant first half, dire second half, but still not so long ago we were always dire in both halves, we had a good day out though, all those who were laughing at the raincoat and hat earlier were too bloody wet and grumpy after the game to comment.
the Ocean FM job is going really well, we are making great strides.

I had some real surprises today!

Oedipus, Sophocles, Ajax and the rest of the lads!

A passionate man, who did his country some service, but was unable to control his mercenary side which ultimately lead to his betrayal of this republic and the values it's founding fathers held dearly and led to his disgrace in the eyes of many.

A mercenary man, who did his country some service, but was unable to control his passionate side, which ultimately lead to his betrayal of a nation and it's people in the cause of self justification, and lead to his disgrace in the eyes of many.

Of course have their followers, blind to reason or fallibility, who will continue to misrepresent their legacy, exaggerating their strength and minimise to their weaknesses

History will remember both of them well, like those great Greek heroes who we're ultimately exposed by their weaknesses, it's the basis of all tragedy, this apparent fact that we have all been given feet of clay

I feel an opera coming on!

Lovely and Sleepy

ah yes, i love the feeling of my eyes just beginning to droop, and i know i have to go to be and that I will be deliciously asleep 30 seconds after my head hits the pillow.

lots of interesting stuff going on, played a lot of football last week and made my peace with the roscommon masters team over the dilemma last year, in fairness the 1.3 i scored probably helped, but i really enjoyed it and am delighted with my decision to stick with the primrose and gold.

spent a couple of hours surfing tonight and came across myspace.com, what a weird and wonderful place, they have 24 million members, 24 million, it was set up in 2003 and now it's got 24 million members, that's 6 times the population of the free state, put me thinking about how i had origonally intended the business to have a strong online presence, i really must make it a project now for me to get cracking on..... next week is the busiest week ever, just took on far too much but i'll get through it.

apart from that all is well, my friend Mr. A is wrecking my head with all this analysis, spiritual stuff and how i can live a much better cleaner life and be at one with myself and all that jazz, i am sure he is appalled by my views on love and religion and spirituality, but sure let him off.

Maggie and the girls are well, the girls are getting so grown up and Joy is a real teenager now, oh the tiredness is catching up with me, i have to snuggle down........ night

Nervous!

Ok So the Nigella pic has nothing to do with the blog, who cares?

It's Tuesday morning after a great bank holiday weekend, the sun cracked rocks all weekend and I had a ball, busy with the GAA on Friday and Saturday organising golf classics and flag day, party on Sunday, great party, will be getting feedback from the neighbours on this one i'd say, and monday a lovely chilled out day at the beach, along with the other 10'000 people who chose to go to the same beach. Mind you the scenery was fabulous even if the sea was a bit cold, still had a good swim though, can't be showing hesitancy on front of the girls.

I'm nervous because I am starting a new project tomorrow and it's going to be somewhat new to me, plus i am not entirely sure what is expected of me, i would have liked more detail and structure before starting but hell what can i do, bowl into it and see what emerges, i know i am pretty good at what i do and can make some difference to these guys so i might as well have a crack.... the first job will be to get a good rapport going and get them onside and i know i can do that.

otherwise the head is fairly good, still a bit upsy downsie but i'd expect that anyway, it's not easy getting into a groove after all the fun and enjoyment i've had, still the summer stretches out in front of me and i'm doing my best to look forward rather than back, now the person i was supposed to meet this morning at 10.30 still has not shown up and it's 11.05, so i better make a few phone calls.

Cheers

friday evening, bank holiday weekend

life is good, it's friday evening, tough week workwise, but now it's 3 days of taking it fairly east, as you can see from the pic, the weather is beautiful, it's shorts and a tee shirt.... can't take the tee shirt off anyway after the burning i got in Portugal.

Cathy is gone to the beach with friends, Joy is headin off to a party now, and Maggie gets home from the states tomorrow, i have a flag day still to pull together for tomorrow, and a golf presentation tonight, but otherwise, the lawns are cut, the house is clean, and i have nothin to do, no plans except to take it easy and enjoy the beautiful weather.

life has been really hectic lately, some wonderful times and some rough turbulence, but i hope the captain will be able to turn the seatbelts light off soon.

i'm also in the middle of one of my periodic "ramadans" a case of too much partying, the impending serious football championship season, and most of all, the feeling i had that saturday on fifth avenue. that day i noticed all those people in thier 40's and 50's and it hit home like a hammer how important it is to be in shape. The ones in shape all looked young and vital and vibrant and just great, but all the one's out of shape we slouchy, looked grouchy, heads pointing at the pavement, like life was something that happened to them years ago when they we're young and fit....... and i decided that it was time to cut down on somethings and gear up on others, so i'm back training, off the beer, and smoking very little.... i'm eating carefully and much much less, and the great thing is i can already see the signs, after only two weeks, i look better, my skin is better, i feel really good and my belt had slipped a whole notch.

it would be such a pity to move forward in a slouchy feeling sorry for myself whingy sort of way, it's just not for me, it's time for head up, back straight, chest out and smile!

enjoy the weekend.

20 years on!

This may have been brought on by that show on RTE 1 last night called "20 years on, Ireland 1986 - 2006" but today i have this strange feeling that the world is passing me by quicker than i can keep up, i'm only 41 but i feel like Buster Keeton trying to keep up with the train, desperately hanging on, but knowing full well that no matter what i do it's going to get away from me, and the really strange thing is that lots of my friends are not even net savvy.

This leads me back to a question that has been bothering me for sometime, would a man lead a happier life if he grew up in a little villlage in the west coast, lived all his life there, knew everyone, never left and died there surounded by people he knew and loved. Or would he have lived better if he left at 16, emigrated to England, then went to America, made a fortune, travelled the world, and spent his whole life trying to catch that train that always seems to be going a little bit faster than you are, more knowledge, more travel, more money, more opportunity, more expectations.

I suppose i ask the question as a traveller, in the last month I've been to france, NYC and Portugal, I have "chasing" in my blood, chasing trains, sales, fun, life, but i often wonder, is it better to just live a quiet life in a quiet place?

Pain V Pleasure

Pain and Pleasure, The stuff of life.

There’s a really effective advert running on the telly at the moment for Vodafone business, the advert begins just as the champagne is about to be popped, freezes, and then rewinds throught the whole deal, right back through all the stages, back to the initial phonecall.

The advert is good at showing you all the physical things that happened, all the calls, and the meetings and the contracts and the celebration. What it can’t protray however is all the emotions and feelings that accompanied each step of the process, we never get to sense the trepidation with which the first phone call was made, we never get to see the times when the deal looked hopeless, when it appeared it would never come together, the late nights when it all seemed pointless, and yet without that, without the fears, and the prospect of it all going pearshaped, what would there have been to celebrate? What would it have to do with skill and effort and persistance? Nothing!

This year about 80 people will win the national lottery, will this be due to their expertise and diligence and persistance? of course not, It will be down to pure luck, fortune that will ocaasionally smile down on people but which always has two sides.

We need to accept luck whenever we get it, be thankful for it, but lord knows those who decide to depend on it are in for a unfortunate business life, because sitting around waiting for a lucky break in business is the very same as sitting around with a roll of lottery tickets waiting for a miracle to happen, it won’t!

Luck does not work like that, our achievements in life will be caused by our thoughts and actions, what we think and what we do, and not by some imaginative twist of fate, luck will even itself out, it probably already has, remember around 80 people will win the lottery this year, yet over 400 will be killed on the roads, so you have a 5 times better chance of getting killed in a crash, and still they go, “it could be you” don’t make me laugh. It would be more truthful to say hey, your lucky to be alive.

So if we accept that luck is something that evens itself out over most peoples lives, then we have to look at what makes some people successful and has the champagne corks popping, while some just drift on occassionally getting to celebrate somebody elses success. The answer to this question is our understanding and attitude towards pain and pleasure.

There are those who dream of a painless life, where there is constant peace and pleasure and where we never experience fear or doubt or feel unable to cope with it all, and that’s what they are, dreamers! It’s time to get over it, wake up and smell the coffee, everybody experiences pain, everyone experiences doubt, everyone wonders if they will be able to cope. There is no way a life can be pain free, it’s like trying to have day without the night, to have the light without the dark, you cannot experience pleasure unless you have experienced pain, you would not know what it was. The important thing is not to become paralyzed by the pain, to be able to feel it but still keep moving forward, to not let it stop you from doing what you know you have to do in order to move toward pleasure, to solve that problem, or close that deal or sort out that angry angry customer.

The businesses that inspire me have known struggle, just as the lives that inspire me have, they have achieved not despite but because of their hard times, it is the difficult times that have made them great, when teams win the All Ireland they remember the pain, the running up hill, the scarifices, would an All Ireland have value if you could buy it? If you could experience the Joy without have gone through the pain, what would it be worth?

The world is always looking for quick fixes, to attempt to get the results without the pain, and yet all those ab rollers end up in the attic while those who knuckle down and go to the gym twice a week get results. There is no life without pain, it’s often the struggle that becomes the most valuable part, so please remember when the doubts come, when you are wondering whether to pick up the phone or not, that this is a hugely valuable part of the game, this is a hugely important part of life, and then as the NIKE man says…. Just do it.

Springbreak!!!

The Iraqis are fucked now!

NYC (Springbreak)

Those Munsters!

Are myths created out of thin air, or do they have some basis in reality. Congratulations to Munster on thier fine win. The amount of BS and hyperbole it has created is interesting though. According to voices in the media we now have to recognise that there is a superior province, we always knew that we were inferior to Cork, but now it appears to have spread, we also always knew that Tipperarians had a divine right, to be right and to win things... this also appears to have infected the rest of Munster.

Still it's proof that Limerick people really are tougher than the rest,,,,,,,, anybody with an ear to the news over the last couple of years would have known that anyway...... it just makes me wonder, will the children of munster now be brought up to be believe this crap, thier level of innate superiority.

will they be like generations of English people who were brought up to believe they were superior to the wig wogs and nig nogs of other nations, or maybe it's only a bit of harmless fun.

maybe i'm a begrudger, and maybe i just want to see a bit of rationality restored to the whole thing, if ronan o'gara kicks a penalty 500 miles away, does that make you a bigger, better, superior kind of person.... god i don't know... but according to the media contributors over the last few days it appears it does.... munster people have a "special" thing..... this little bit extra....stand up and fight..... sure you're only Irish by birth, you're Munster by the grace of God.

this time last week,

I have been wandering round all weekend thinking.....this time last week i was........ it must be time to get over it,,,, life is littered with highs and lows and none of the can ever last that long....so the trick seems to be....enjoy it all when its there, and then get over it.... leave it go....the good stuff and the bad... ok will take my own advice and realise that no situation can last forever...and that clinging on to memories is not living life.... roll on the next trip

Am I a Craic Addict!

It's been a while, NYC was everything i thought it might be and then a bit more, we had so much fun over the few days, on trips like this you find out a few things about yourself, I found out that

I totally love life
I have fantastic friends that make life so much fun.
I should wear more comfortable shoes.
I enjoy my sister and brother even more than i thought I did.
I can go bloody nowhere without running into people who know me.
I need very little sleep.
People find me "interesting"
I have limits.
I am a craic addict.
I can let others be the centre of attention.
I have no need to entertain the fears i sometimes do.
I totally love life.

We had the most fantastic time, from arriving in Sligo Airport on Thursday morning to arriving back there on Tuesday, the Craic may have lulled occassionally, but it never stopped, I am grateful for each of the 14 hours of sleep i managed during that time.

The bar in the pic is called tonic in times square, great music, fierce bad bubblegum shots, to all those in scruffy's, kevin st james, the iris and gerald b cantor rooftop at Moma, (what a place), Tonic, The rainbow room, gaelic park, the playwright and many others i can't remember the name of ....... thanks.....

there are a few things about new york i will never ever forget, abercrombie and fitch on fifth avenue, that little spanish place in greenwich village, the irish famine memorial, the rooftop bar overlooking central park, riverdance, and the mad mad taxi driver on the last day.

penalties downtown, cricket in yonkers and gun gun (get down) on Park Avenue.

pure mad ted

Neglecting the blog!

life is good, don't feel great today, sore back and stuff, perhaps have been overdoing it the last few weeks, still am really looking forward to new york this day next week, that will give me a great chance for rest and relaxation.

Have had such a good business week, am getting much more assertive at getting decent fees and even collecting them.....

have just read a great book called blink by malcolm gladwell, really good stuff about making good decisions and how important it is not to linger over it, am also doing a good bit of personal coaching which is very interesting and very rewardiing, especialy when the people get great results, makes me remember what got me excited about this business in the first place.

everything else is cool and the gang

The architecture of happiness

my latest read......... about half way through, it's about architecture, it's development and it's affect on us as people.

About what building say to us, what they speak of, what they say about us, how they encapsulate our desires and values and how we identify with some and they make us happy while others grate on us and we hate them.

all very interesting, but havent time to go into it all as i am a lone parent this week and i have children with tougher sporting schedules than Michael Jordan

Holiday hangovers!

am having problems with blogger today..... have just returned from my holidays, it always takes me a while to get my momentum going again once i've had a break for christmas or illness or holidays or whatever.

we all had a really good time, i enjoyed the disney thing although 2 more days of it and i'd have gone mad. It's strange talking to people this morning how everyone has thier down thoughts, was watching the sopranos over the weekend and tony says to ms melfie, "hey, gloom is your business and business is good" i find it strange that everybody has thier pain, i suppose all can appear perfect for a piece of time, you win the lotto, or get great grades, or meet someone new, but it seems to be a fact of life that doubt or pain will inevitably come back and settle in...

I somewhat flippiantly said in my profile that i am happy 51% of the time which is the most anyone can hope for, but today i think that 51% is a bloody good aspiration.

it's very rare that i ever feel 100% happy, maybe fleeting moments looking at sleeping children, or watching a football match or something, where there is no space for any thought other than the happy thought. it's also very rare that i feel 0% totally devestated, therefore i think my life largely vascillates between 49% and 51% and the important thing for me to remember is that no matter how good or bad i feel at any time, i'm only 2% away from the opposite feeling, and that in time that feeling will come to me, or even better maybe there is something i can do about it.

Seligman claims that appreciation is the key to crossing that divide, if you can appreciate the many wonderful things in life rather than focussing on all that's wrong, it will bring about a shift back to the 51% of the equation, so that's the plan for the rest of the day, try to focus on whats well rather than what's broke.

it's good to be back.
it's good that we had a great time
it's good to be working in the business i always wanted to work in
it's good to have this lovely family
it's good to have lots of good friends
it's just good

jaysus i feel better already.......

There's a little bit of pressure on!

I have this thing going on where i am pulled between two forces (a bit like Mr. Burgess) first i want to go out and shake the trees and generate as many ideas and work as possible, on the other hand i am always afraid of taking on too much and then letting people down because of my inability to deliver.

And sometimes i get stuck between both stools and get feck all done either way, and that frustrates the hell out of me too, i have this huge load of presenting coming up, and still have to keep the kettle on the boil around getting new work... and the thing is that two different people have told me today that this feeling will never go away, the feeling of notn quite being sure whether i've done enoguh, planned far enough ahead, covered off all the bases and the paperwork, wondering if in some company somehwere they are saying i did not do exactly what i said on the tin.

and despite all this i still presented for one more big job today, and i have another pitch on monday and 2 on tuesday.... truth is if the four of them say yes then i'm fucked... but then that's a bridge we'll cross as they say.

am addicted to downloading pictures i like on the web, it's so easy on the mac.... i love the mac....the feel of it, the sound of the keys, the way everything is so bloody obvious and simple.,.and i like what it says about me... it's not beige is it.

not waving but drowning

it's always been one of my favourite poems, mainly because i have often had serious identification with it, Stevie Smtih knew what she was talking about here, the whole world thinks you are going fantastic, but you feel overwhelmed and out of your depth. it must be a natural condition, all great literature reflects the true nature of life as a mixture of elation and suffering and still i know so many people who simply can never admit to fraility, to failure, to the possibility that they may be wrong.

Maybe self delusion and deluding everyone else is the way to go, maybe it's always fantastic, maybe every bridge is spannable.... or maybe that type of thinking is what produces wankers like glen hoddle (who famously said that disabled people must have brought it upon themselves in a past life)

I met a woman today who said she was not sending her child on a school bus again, because one crashed yesterday and a child was killed.

perhaps she should never drive again - cos someone died in car crash yesterday too, or never eat meat again, or never go to a festival again, or never wander out the feckin door..... people seem to think they can somehow eliminate risk or luck or chance or fate from thier lives... they seem to think they can control these things.

those people are mad i tell you... mad...mad mad.. these are the people who never fall in love because they may get hurt, who never play the game because they may lose, who never take a chance because they may fail, who never connect with anyone in case they get dissapointed.

thye world needs more chancers, more devils, more people who are willing to explore beyond thier narrow field of experience, because life is about getting too far out, it's about occassionally feeling afraid, it's about trusting madly, it's to do with having a go, taking a chance, giving it a lash, anything else is just death before life... and those gobshites who are always on about a life after death, there the very ones who don't know how to live the one they already have........ looking for some sort of religious insurance policy....anyway... that;s my longest rant for a while... i'll leave you with the text of stevies poem.

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
And now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way,
They said.

Oh, no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
And not waving but drowning.

strange times

It's mad and it's busy, have such a lot happening and coming up, in the last few days i have had talks with FAS, Ocean, Enterprise Ireland, Musgraves, Wyeth and Bank of Ireland.

It's really busy, I have the new courses to run, new courses to sell, off to Paris next week and the mad trip to New York a few weeks later.

I certainly won't be sitting around the house moping!

There's just no bloody time!

There is such a lot going on, and there just is not enough time to try and get everything done, all weekend i have been chasing my tail, although some of it was good fun it was still all scheduled and had to be fitted in. I wonder will i ever be someone who can live life without the possibility of spontaniety. The last few days have been stone feckin crazy, between work and marys and the family and FAS and in the middle of it all John McGahern died, he has written the most beautiful books and i would love to re read "that they may face the rising sun" well i hope he does anyway, his books have been a constant in my life for almost 30 years.

i am looking forward to getting back to work for a rest, but there is so much on this week that there is little hope of that, will go for a lovely long walk on the beach this evening and get my head clear.

We shall not be moved!

Went to see "on the road to lisbon" tonight, it's a play about the 1966/67 Celtic European Cup campaign and the effect it had on people and the impact on their lives, some of the happiest moments i've ever had in my life have been around football, and it was interesting to see this reflected through the fine actors.

there was a line in it about a guy going to lisbon using his engagement ring money, which made me laugh because i was sitting near my pal James who actually "borrowed" the money put aside for his wifes wedding dress so he could go to seville in 2003, but then a wise man once said that when we get older our regrets will be much more about the things we did'nt do rather than what we did.

everyone in my house watches "lost" so i get a full hour just to myself every monday night..it's grrrreat.

My weekend was good, back playing football again so feeling a bit stiff today, but had a great day at work and now i am actually starting to think about france and even NYC.... woohoo....it's going to be a great summer.... i'm not smug am I?

the lovely long lazy saturdays

Am bang in the middle of a lovely day, it's saturday, I had a really good dream (no secrets divulged) last night so i awoke with a smile on my face, got up, went to the farmers orgasmic market, got the car washed, (fuck have i not got the most exciting life?) played basketball with cathy for an hour, read the times, ate a big cherry muffin, and now i'm fucking about surfing stuff and updating this blog yoke.

Was reading a sopranos site and apparently miss melfie has diagnosed tony as a sociopath... they must be everywhere those sociopaths, i did an online test to see if i am one too but dissapointingly i'm just a normal average mick..... it would be exciting to have something like that to describe meself, currently i can be described as man, dad, player, coach, husband, fecker, tosser, gobshite, lunatic, friend, chairman, supporter and many many more, but none of them have as many letters or are as exciting as sociopath.... maybe i should take a different test?

Control what i can!

God it's been a topsy turvy and frustrating week,
I love to be in control and i hate it when I don't have any, I hate it when there's nothing else to do but wait, I bloody have to be at something, and right now i'm not to hot at relaxing!

I get frustrated at myself for never quite figuring out what to call the programmes I deliver, I have various names for the different, but i still feel i'm missing out on creating a "difference" between me and others in the market.

I have to find that uniqueness, that thing that sets me apart, that reason why people will want to deal with me rather than who ever tries to sell to them, what is it that sets me apart, what can i do to empahsise that difference, I'm not the first to deal with sales, management, personal development, goal setting, comunication skills, coaching and the like, but i do have a unique mix and way of putting these things across, i just don't know how to describe it in a way that will set me apart.