It's Christmas

Hello boys and girls.

It's almost Christmas and the world is a wonderful place, I have had work business replaced with the general madness of this time of year....truth is I love it.

This year I met so many wonderful amazing people that i did'nt even know last year, and those that i did know continue to reveal amazing depths and talents that nobody ever knew they had.

the years business was brilliant, next year will be even better.

I am giving the football one final major shot.

so from Jan 1st, I have to get rid of a few things from my life and add on a few more.

Alcohol has to go
Cigarettes have to go.
weights need to be pushed (feckin gyms)
running has to be done (OMG).

having said that...the side benefits will be huge.

No Hangovers.
More money
better health
fit fitter fittest
and I'll be a babe (ok maybe not a babe)

having put all that done i'm not sure whether i'm looking forward to the football or the side benefits the most.

finally have the wireless broadband installed at home, so perhaps i will be a more regular blogger

enjoy it and have a wonderful christmas

Paul.

Nearly Christmas

had the lovliest laziest weekend, did a few things on sat and on sunday did nothing but drink coffee, read the papers and practice a few magic tricks (which i am definately improving at)

was wondering over the weekend about reality, what it is, how it works etc, there was another wonderful robert winston show about the relationship between god and science on BBC 2, I really have no belief and i blame that mostly on those looneys in kentucky and alabama who will reject any sane evidence and still go with creationism as a belief system.

this intelligent design bullshit, it's not that i have a personal problem with them, let them believe what they like, it's just 3 things

1. They reject outright that anybody but them could possibly be true believers
2. there are soo many of the fookers
3. your man bush is one of them so they have significant political clout.

god save us all from the fundamentalists, regardless of their creed.

it's those who are certain that they are right that are surely the most dangerous

strange times.

I can't believe your man Roy Keane is moving to Celtic, all my worst nightmares have come to pass, I have to make myself the same promise regarding Celtic as I made regarding the Republic of Ireland after Saipan, namely I will not go to watch the club while he's there.

Roy Keane sums up for me everything thats cold and horrid in a human being

he intentionally goes out to hurt people
he has no compassion
he has an ego the size of a small elephant
he cannot take others into account
(and nowadays he's not a great player either)

I imagine wee gordon strachen will have to leave shortly as well, now that dermot desmond is picking the team

anyway........ apart from that all is well

do i love gadgets or what?

I am sitting on the floor in my sitting, writing this on my new powerbook, which is connected to the net via the bluetooth in my mobile phone, (the wireless broadband should be here tomorrow) and i'm navigating with my new cordless mouse.

it's still going to be very busy on the run up to christmas, but i think the worst is over, there's kinda a nice combination of work and fun left and I'm looking forward to it, was worried about today but it went so amazingly well...

ho ho ho

it's friday and it's wonderful

hey....... how's it going....it's almost the weekend.

my beauty is 13 tomorrow......time to forget all the sweet childhood stuff and embark on what you might call "the adventure of a lifetime"

she's the best kid in the world and I love her to bits...... my mates tell me that i am in for a hard time....that 13 to 85 is the most difficult time in a girls life....and her dads.

I do have hopes for her though.

I hope she is always her own woman.
I hope she is always independent.
I hope she never has to rely on any man for anything. (and that i will always be there for her)
I hope she finds happiness inside...and not spend her life searching for it outside
I hope she's lives up to her own unique beauty....and not someone elses concept.
I hope we're friends when i'm 90

ok....now for the party

What a laptop!

Those of you who read this rubbish occassionally will know that earlier on this year I set myself a particular goal and that the reward for achieving that would be a new Apple 17" Powerbook.

Well the good news is not only did i pick up the laptop yesterday, but i'm actually using it today to write this blog

now it's time to set a new goal and plan a new reward
it's gotta do with a quarter and here's the reward







cheers

paul

Saw this a few years ago, loved it!

To Sacrifice the Gift

Giving your best is really important, Steve said very little about perfection, but he did infer that we all have great gifts and that it is important to do our utmost to preserve and develop the gifts we get.

Take the gift of friendship for example, some people are willing to throw that away at the drop of a hat.... when they find that others are not as perfect as they would like them to be...they can discard them for not living up to thier own exacting standards.

Life is a gift...... make the best of it and remember its far too short to be spent wondering about the past or the future.

This gift is meant to be enjoyed right now.

Sure we might only be here for the same length of time as Steve.

Shoot the messenger!

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
and looked down one as far as I could
to where it bent in the undergrowth;


Then took the other, as just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim
because it was grassy and wanted wear;
though as for that, the passing there
had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
in leaves no feet had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood,
and I--I took the one less travelled by,
and that has made all the difference

Maggie and Fergie

Hello.

Were you ever wrong about something, but to admit it would be so hard that instead you lash out at the messenger.

I have so many things going superbly in my life right now..... it really is the best time ever, but one of the hardest things about improving life is that it is a lifelong process, you rarely get to accept yourself without thinking about what might be......if....if i did this...or stopped doing that!

I know this is not making a lot of sense! But i now see my life as a constant stream of choices, everytime i get the choice to go either left or right.....and sometimes the correct road...the one that you know will bring you closer to your goals is a tough bastard of a thing, and the other road looks a lot more attractive....nice and cushy and downhill......which one to take?...... which one to take......yeah I know I know.

that Robert Frost fella was only a gobshite......cos he was right.......two roads diverged in a yellow wood.....and I have to take the one less travelled by......so its easier to rant on about the messenger.....Robert....than to actually take the first steps down that road.

anyway......here's a few pics of Maggie and the Duchess of York.....maggies the one on the right

Paul.

What a day!

hes got no hair.....but we dont care

Went to parkhead last saturday for the first time in yonks...... not a bad day...watched the game from the directors box......we won 3-0....went to the players lounge afterwards.....had a lovely meal....and even had a drink with some of the rangers players back in the hotel later that night.

best day in a long time

gotta go

FEAR - Face Everything And Recover or Fuck Everytthing And Run

This blog started out as an opportunity for me to throw my thoughts out on paper (virtual) and have some structured way of keeping me in touch with myself, I know that some people have a wee look every now and then and thats ok too, but untimately it helps me to straighten out the spagetti in my head and bring a bit of clarity to my thinking. I want today to be about some of the stuff i have learned over the last two years of training and coaching with hundreds of people and lots of organisations and businesses.

1. There is no such thing as a perfect life.....its just bollix, there is no such thing as a life without pain and expecting one is just plain stupid, sure there are ways of managing the chaos that is our lives, but to expect that we can sail seamlessly through it is just crap..... life is a lot like the weather, sunny spells, rainy windy days, the odd heatwave and the odd hurricane. The most important thing is to keep going and to try to keep learning.

2. Most people have not got a fecking clue, they dont know how to enjoy sunny days, they dont know what to wear in the rain....as billy connolly once said...theres no such thing as bad weather, theres only the wrong clothes, they keep expecting the heatwave to break and they wont evacuate and hide during the bloody hurricanes.

3. Most businesses are run on a wing and a prayer (including this one although it is improving) Businesses are started and either grow or die....if they die they are not businesses anymore...if they grow they grow upwards, outwards, inwards, anywards without any real plans or thoughts. most businesses have no marketing plans, no sales plans, no defined management structures (with real accountability) no Human Relations structures....they are basically just all over the place... the ones that survive through all this have 3 things, decent products (which could be better) some customers (which could be more and more lucrative) and the drive and energy of owners who are mainly still thrashing around in the semi darkness but have becme good enough at it to make a good living from it (I am one of those myself too).

4. Nothing stays the same! Thurber said "most men lives lives of quiet desperation, others not so quiet" he was dead right...people who do the same ol same ol all the time claim to have lives of contented happiness....its not true.....there is a huge degree of frustration in everyone of lost opportunities and the only way to get rid of that is to immerse yourself in something new, and do it often.

5. Physical exercise is good for you. People who exercise and mind thier bodies are a million times happier that people who dont......period.

6. Everybody is afraid. everybody......and the only way to get rid of it is to keep taking on the things you are afraid of........FEAR has to acronyms (i am not a big fan of acronyms but i like this one)

Face Everything And Recover

or

Fuck Everything And Run

even if you fail you will feel a lot better about facing it.....at least you will have had a shot.

7. There is a huge hunger out there within people for survival, for ways to cope with the chaos and stress that is modern living....you can see it being avoided everywhere by the increases in alcohol consumption, drug use, workaholism and many other forms of avoidance (or Fucking everything and running like hell)

I know people are searching like hell for ways of surviving and coping with the whole bloody thing.........perhaps I can find a way to help.

Finally if any of this makes sense to you.....please send a link on to a friend.

Lose the Pic!

Have been advised to just lose this and get something more professional taken,

not much point in paying for business advice and then not taking it, so i shall get a new gorgeous one taken where you shall see me looking somewhat more businesslike (as opposed to the cover of a country and western album)

la bella vita I think is the phrase......

talk soon

Paul

Where is he off to.........

WOOHOO

I have never been this busy in my entire bloody life, the to do list is full, but at least I am getting through it, Ciara starts here on Monday, I cant wait! there is so much to do and i will have to learn to delegate and follow up. There are an awful lot of dates to be organised and an awful lot of people to be contacted.

This week has flown, even taking the bank holiday into account and I will be flat out until late tonight, I am also really proud of how Maggie has made a success of her job, she is doing an interview with RTE TV on saturday and it does not knock a feather out of her.

I have extablished a link with a video production company, this guy is a fecking genius and is exactly who i need right now, and he lives only about ten miles from sligo, so the future holds DVDs and downloadable video from the website and what the gurus call "passive income"

I have to create that future - but am starting to realise where I am off too.... time to jump out of the bowl.

Paul.

Hello Spike

The sunshine yellow guy

I really thought when I started writing this blog that I would have no bother fitting it in with all the rest of my work, that I could give it a few minutes a day and I would be sorted........ It has not worked out like that....I had no idea when I started this business that it could become as big and as busy as it has.....It is currently nuts and has the potential to be really really big...as long as i can manage and lead it.....

On Nov 7th I will welcome my first every employee, and on Dec 1st there will be another one, I am getting a vision together for what it will all look like in 3 years time, but my experience tells me that while it is really important to have a vision, that in 3 years time the finished producted will not look anything like the vision, but also most definately wont be finished either.

the various aspects of my life are going well at the moment, although there is always that fear of spinning so fast that I might spin out of control, I hope yours are too.

Paul.

A thousand miles an hour!

This is Eric Cantona, footballer, actor and apparently philisopher as well. I just liked it.... humour me eh......

I am so busy....everything flying at 1000 mph..... there are so many trawlers, so many sardines and I am only one little seagull... trying to chase them all.

Business is wonderful....... and getting better all the time....I am going to the All-Ireland final on Sunday and hugely looking forward to that...... Have a full day of meetings on Monday.....same on Tuesday....working in Dublin on Wed and Thursday..... draw breath a bit on Friday.

Still need a person friday to help me out....have completed a job specification.... now I have to start seriously looking!

Like all the organisational things in my life....I will get it done next week! That and the final accounts, and the brochures and ...

Kaizen - A little improvement everyday - That will do me.

Cheers

The New Tool

This new "Insights" tool I am using is pretty amazing, It is unquestionably the best personality profiling tool I have seen, from an accuracy point of view, but also because it is colour based it is easy for people to remember what preferences they use....the myers briggs one has you wordering am I an EFPN or an ENIG or what the hell am I.

I can see this helping big time in my business, now it is totally up to me to use it or lose

Back again

Hello, it has been yonks since I last updated this blog, lots has happened and I have been a very busy boy, the biggest thing I have completed in the last while is the accreditation for delivering the "Insights" pyschometric model into my coaching work.

You can find out more about Insights by visiting thier website at www.insights.com what I get from this is an excellent personality profiling tool that i can use to help people become more aware of themselves and thier behaviours, more aware of where others are coming from and finally techniques that will allow them (and me) to adapt and connect much better with others (customers, staff, colleagues, spouses, children, subjects etc)

I intend to use this in several spheres, but the primary interest at the moment is in Business, working with managers and salespeople, and in politics, working with councillers and TDs to help them improve thier communication skills.

On the personal front the form is pretty good, business is strong but I still have self-doubt at times about my ability to carry this whole thing off. Still I know I am coming "from the right place" and am sure that it will all work out to my expectations.

anyway...... will try to make the ten minutes it takes to update this blog a bit more in the future!

Need a Genius

Sorry Its been so long, and I aint got a load of time now either, just wanted to say let people know I am still alive, and that I am certain now that in the long term I have to find a person I can work with who can "organise my life".

There are things I do exceptionally well (the humility of it all) I can speak, coach, present, write and conduct workshops and courses with the best of them.

There are also things I am not very good at, I have trouble with Organisation and Discipline, I spend far too much of my time and energy doing things I am not enjoying doing, following up campaigns on the phone, setting up meetings, organising hotels, trying to sort out accounts, selling courses to individuals, printing brochures, etc etc etc.

In order to have a business that "flows" I need to be able to do the things that I do best (and love doing) and have someone who loves doing the other stuff, who takes pride in it and enjoys it.

I will have to keep my eyes open.

Paul

The Tipping Point

You could do a lot worse than read this book, Its been a while since I read it, but since that time I have noticed that the explanations in the book explain a lot of stuff in my own life.

A tipping point is a bit like the straw that broke the camels back, except that a tipping point can work both ways,

For example, when things are going badly and one more bad thing happens, then that extra thing can tipp the balance and help you to start doing something to help yourself, 12 step programmes call this "rock bottom" thats one end of the scale.

At the other end of the scale things can be going so well, that we almost lose the run of ourselves, and then we can push some form of self destruct button (probably cos we dont really feel we "deserve" to have things going that well in the first place) and tipp the scales that send us back to bad form again.

It is like sitting in an untidy room reading a book, at some point the room is going to become just untidy enough that you cannot stick it any longer and actually get your arse up and tidy the place (that last teacup was the tipping point)

Or someone in a relationship that is going so bloody well that it just has to be tested, so it is.... everybody has thier tipping points.

Mine are a bit far apart...... i move from place to place fairly slowly, things getting better and better slowly until I am compelled to throw a spanner in the works......and when I do...I will wallow for a while in the self pity and misery until it gets bad enough to actually get up and do something about it, then I am back onto a roll again.....things getting better and better until.....

it is an interesting book......well worth a read.....why small things really really matter!

Why am I so Gloomy

Am sitting here wondering what the hell is wrong with me.

Ive just gotten my new car.
Ive had a new patio built.
We had the lovliest holiday

and yet i feel really gloomy, is it being back at work, is it all the money i spent, im not sure.

A friend asked me today about all the dreams I had when I was starting this business, and I have to admit, Im not spending enough time doing work that really inspires me, Im taking the work that pays best and have been for the last number of months.

I think I have the balance wrong, I want t0o get in around the schools and the sports stuff again, I know i have to do all the other stuff to pay the bills (and I really enjoy it too) its just that there is no buzz as good as pushing the edges, and to be fair i have been playing safe for too long now.

so this Autumn is the pushing the boat out season.

I will keep you posted on here.

I really enjoyed the break, the Aran Islands are lovely and we got smashing weather.

Now back to that boat pushing

Club V County

County
Club

Am distracted

This decision caused me a fierce amount of grief over the last week, I had to choose whether to play for the Rossies in an All Ireland semi - final or turn out for the club in a championship game. Think I did the right thing, but unfortunately both teams lost by two points,

tis tough but then my wife did point out a few things about duty, Ive never been too strong on duty, so am glad i follwed my head rather than my heart on this one

Love this!

I got a virus.... a computer type one...hence I have not blogged for nearly a week.

Much has happened, but one of the highlights was seeing this whilst stuck in a huge traffic jam on friday last in Sligo. (Have a very sad life really)

I have finally started my book and am making good progress, this one will be a cracker, I have much more confidence in my writing ability over the last while... everybody needs a bit of encouragement.

The biggest thing this last week was the IRA announcement, wow... what a historic day.... now that the baseball bat is gone from Sinn Fein politics I have to face the dilemma of forever sitting on the fence or becoming actively involved and standing up for the stuff I believe in and have been boring people with for ages.

Im getting a new car this week.....woohoo..... had the lovliest day on Saturday last.... family...friends....fun..... Sligo got beaten but we had a brilliant day.

so what else..... my head is good.... not clear exactly but good....am going on holidays for a few weeks.... carlow.... aran islands....belfast.... that sort of thing.... and Im strangly nervous about it.

Will I be bored senseless, Will I miss the buzz of work, Will I be able to stay away from laptops and mobliles and switch off for a while. My ideal holiday is a holiday from everything....me and a blank notebook and a island... (and one person to make tea, but never talk).

I will do that holiday (probably without the teamaker) in October or November, and I plan to enjoy this one coming up....... I am sure Ill get in the spirit of it in few days.

C'mon ya bhoy ya!

This guy is apparently the answer to our problems at Celtic...his name is Nakamura.

I enjoyed "lost in translation" so much that I reckon the Japanese can teah us a whole lot about a range of things...hopefully including Football.

One of the important things we can learn from the Japanese is the concept of Kaizen. Kaizen is the principle of improving a little bit at something every day....not big mad leaps and buck leps...just a consistent gradual practicing and honing and improving every day over your whole life.

I'm a hoor for the big leaps....and if i fall I then feel sorry for myself for ages..and reckon the thing was too difficult or that it's easy for them.. they have...whatever (substitute your own excuses).

anyway.....I know the Kaizen works....just needs a bit more patience that Paul McKenna.....I hope you man Nakamura works too.

It's been very busy in newton land ....working like hell....looking forward to a few weeks of in August.... we we're rubbish in the Senior championship on Sunday.....have to go to training now...have a feeling I should not really mention the Kaizen thing there

Cheers

P.

Cast a cold eye!

Wonder what William Butler Yeats would have made of your man?

The object of my desire.

I want that one!

This is the apple powerbook, 17 inch portable computer and I am going to get one. Mainly because they are just too drop dead gorgeous ( have always had a weakness for drop dead gorgeous).

I have had such a brilliant working week, the new contracts that developed this week will ensure that the business has a superb year, and I am not even sure how the latest pitch to m******s is going to work out, I know I will get some stuff from it, but It could be huge! Anyway..... It is important to stick to the knitting as well so on Monday and Tuesday I will be one on one with the new *** man in Mayo.

And also this week the Roscommon "masters" team I play on qualifed for the All Ireland semi final, which is deadly, the game is apparently fixed for the sixth of august, we will have to see how it goes....but its nice to be there.

Have a busy weekend ahead, training tonight, community games connaught finals tomorrow, watching organising and refereeing, and then sunday its the senior championship.... around that I have to fit in revamping the front (quiet) room, cut the grass, eat a few meals, blah blah blah.

Its a powerbook, its slim and sexy and just totally gorgeous and its about 2700 euro, and I already have a perfectly good laptop.

This job with m*******s, I am going to buy myself one of these out of the first cheque, its a business expense after all and I do deserve it.

Have a lovely weekend, did I mention the powerbook..................

Wow!

It"s a weird and wonderful life at the moment, Ive a lot of work on, a lot of work to prepare for, and a lot happening in all the other areas of my life.

Ive just been asked to tog out for the senior team on Sunday, I was not planning to be with them this year because I could not commit with the business and everything, but its lovely to be asked now, Ive gotten in 7 or 8 weeks good training and I am thrilled, I love being involved, feeling "part of" something.

Tomorrow night I have an All Ireland quarter final for the Roscommon over 40s, this is something else I have really enjoyed this year, it would be great to get to the semis of final in this, they are a good bunch of fellas and some of them are fifty years of age, its inspirational.

Today I have a day more or less in front of the computer, I have a presentation to a very big company tomorrow and its vital that microsoft publisher makes me look as good and experienced as I am, I often have doubt about these things, I know Im really good, and these guys have told me that they are sick of bringing in people from England to do this work, but I have to be on a par or better to get the work, and this stuff is all about perception, so I have to put in the work.

This blog is mainly written for my benefit, its gets stuff out of my head and into some kind of order, if you read it or stumble upon it, id love the feedback, but I try to write it with only myself in mind.

Finally I have to say a word about friends, they enrich my life so much, I have a wonderful family who are the cornerstones of my life, but a lot of the flavour and wonderfulness is supplied by my friends, human connectedness is such an important thing for me, when I have that I am so much happier, so much more content within my own skin.


I know my sister Caroline in Boston reads this sometimes (Hi Caroline), so I just wanted to throw in a few pics from the last couple of weeks.

This is Cathy with Malcolm X.










Joy (pigtails) messin as usual with her community games relay team







Maggie at home with a very thoughful looking carmel (her little girl Lily is so gorgeous)






Thats all for now.....catch you later!

Choose Life

There's a great line at the start of the movie trainspotting, "I chose not to choose life, I chose something else"

The way I'm seeing it at the moment, we can either choose to live it or hide from it.

I've had my moments of hiding away from life, of not getting stuck into it, of not really communicating with people I need to talk openly with. I've hidden behind lots of things, (not heroin fortunately), but theres lots of ways to escape that are not as obvious as heroin.

I'm choosing again to engage with life, to get out there and show the world who I am and what I can do, some of them will like it and some may not, but I'll know that I won't go to my grave with my music still in me.

I choose to choose life.

Taking over the World

These lads we're always trying to take over the world, and always failing, but they would always be back the following week, trying again.

I'm trying again with stuff in my life now, trying to be more straight, more honest with myself and others, more clear in what I really want and more able to ask for help in getting there.

I need help to get to where I want to go, Can't get there on my own, I'm really lucky that I have fabulous people in my life who can help me to make sense out of "daftness" that somtimes is my head.

Sometimes when things are not going my way I tend to hide, I tend to hide myself and my feelings away from people and the last thing in the world I'll do is ask for help, but when It comes to the point where I have to ask, then people always come through for me.

Pinky and the Brain would have figured that out yonks ago

Skeletons in the cupboard

Dealing with other people I used to think "what you see is what you get" but I now know that everybody has "secrets" everybody has a dark side and everybody is less than honest (self preservation anyone?) with other people and even with themselves.

It's like we all have this editing suite in our heads where we make judgements on what to present to people. There is no such thing as total honesty, it's a stupid aspiration, and those who aspire towards it will drive themselves mental in their chasing of an impossible dream.

I trust no one, I know that if the stakes are high enough that everyone will fight to protect themselves, put anyone in a corner and they will fight to protect themselves.

The reason that desperate housewives was such a success (apart from the fact that there are some serious babes in it) is that everyone can identify with it, everybody has this alternate universe running in thier heads, and everybody knows that there is conflict between thier "internal" world and the external world that gets presented to everyone else.

Trying to get the two of these in tandem will definately drive you nuts,

Enjoy your secrets. I know I love mine.

My name is Inigo-Montoya

What a wonderful movie the Princess Bride was, stupid but wonderful.

I have been thinking a lot the last few days (too much) and I now know that I usually see my whole life as a competition, and everyone in it as a competitor.

Now I know where this comes from, when I was younger I would bring my school reports home and in some subjects I would get A's, but back then they also wrote down your position in the class, and unless I was 1st, my father was not happy, second was no good!

These days this thinking still haunts me, if I get up at 6 to go to work I feel good until I notice all the other people who have been up already and I feel like a loser, if I perform really well at something I feel good until I'm compared to someone better and then I feel a loser again.

The problem is simple, I see life as a competition in which I am up against everybody, in everything and therefore I simply cannot win. I cannot beat everybody and be the best at everything, It's impossible, my dissapointment (my fathers dissapointment) is inevitable.

Now I can decide to continually put myself through this drama with it's entirely predictable consequences, or I can withdraw from the competition. If I get up at ten nobody gives a fuck, If I get to work at 11 nobody gives a fuck, If I quit at 3.30 nobody gives a fuck, If I do my best and still finish 227th, who gives a fuck?

I am going to stop living my life as if it's going to be the lead item on the six o'clock news, as if it will be analysed in sundays papers, nobody really gives a fuck anyway so I'm just going to get on with it.

Possibilities

This is the newborn son of a friend, he's a bit tiny yet but we got on pretty well.

The world ahead is full of possibilities for both of us, granted he's 40 years younger than me and may well get to walk on the moon, but I have to understand that my life is also full of possibilities and that the things that will determine those possibilities are my beliefs, my choices and my courage.

What do I believe? I believe that we as humans have the ability, nay the duty, to create a better future for ourselves and our children. I believe that we are not "victims" of fate or circumstance and that we can drive the bus ourselves. We get to "choose" the type of life we get to live, in fact we have already "chosen" the one we are living right now.

"two roads diverged in a yellow wood" the famous Robert Frost poem sums up very well the dilemmas we face every day, the movie "sliding doors" did a good job of attempting to show two simultanious realities caused by choices and how we are defined by the choices we make. The only bits we ever get evidence for is the current reality, but would that have been different if we had made different choices, of course it would, if i had decided to emigrate to England instead of going to college, what would my life look like now?

We tend to try to justify our past choices by being glad for the place we are in now and saying we "would'nt have it any other way" but thats rubbish, the reality is that once we make our choices we "could'nt have it any other way" until we get to make a new present or future choice.

So our choices don't only exist in the past, we have present and future choices too, and what my life looks like when baby Conor is 10 will simply be a consequence of the choices I choose to make over the next ten years.

I choose to be fantastic, to live huge, to grasp life in two big hands, I choose to let go of the past, to release it's hold over me, I choose to move on, I choose to take chances, to risk being laughed at, to stop settling for mediocrity. I choose to be braver.

and finally what of courage, what does it mean for me?

It means to begin living to my own instincts, my own gut. To stop living my life so that others will feel safe or approve. To stop seeing life through the lenses of the past and to start to see and explore the infinite possibility that remains in my life.

starting now!

What the Bleep do we know?

Went to see "Bleep" last night, wow it's a hell of a challenging movie, it does not attempt to hide it's IQ and won't appeal much to paradise love island fans cos it's heavy going especially in the first half hour, but wow if you get to there with your head intact, then it's a hell of a ride thereafter.

The basic premise of the movie is that thoughts are things and that they control our emotions and consequently our behaviours. They build a strong arguement based on quantum physics but the most appealing part of the film is the change in the main character from being dependent on her "patterns" about herself and men and trust and pain and stuff - to developing a new freedom to be herself as she understood the power of her habitual thinking and dropped it in favour of new paradigms about herself.

I hugely enjoyed it and will be wearing the DVD out, there's so much interesting theory in the movie, maybe it's truth, maybe it ain't, but it appears to me to be as true as a lot of what masquerades as truth in humans. i.e God is great or Allah is great or Buddha is great.

You get to chosse your own truth, build your own reality, create your own destiny - not bad for a Wednesday night.

P.S ..... please go...if there's a funnier scene in any movie than the wedding scene in this i'd love to hear about it.

Countess Markievicz

The search is on for Irelands greatest woman.

Currently Mary Robinson heads the polls. She has been a remarkable champion of womens and poor peoples rights from a legal and political perspective over the years and is a worthy nomination.

Those of us looking for a role model for ourselves and our daughters however should look no further than Countess Markievicz. Born to huge wealth and privlege, Constance Gore Boothe lived the life well know to the landed gentry for the early years of her life.

After a pure chance incident in 1906 however she became a champion of the poor and a heroine of Irish nationalism.

If believing in a cause is a virtue then she gave her entire adult life to the people of Ireland and her efforts to alleviate suffering and poverty within the Irish People led her into direct military conflict with those she blamed for thoose sufferings, the British Government.

She never lacked courage and fought in the 1916 rising, the war of independence and the Civil war.

The fredoms we enjoy today we're delivered to us by Countess Markievicz and her comrades. So if they are looking for Ireland's greatest woman, they are looking in the wrong place.

New Roscommon full forward.

Am killed out working, have a really full diary for the next 2 weeks, hardly have time to breath.

The weekend was fun and depressing, fun in that the over 40's beat Tipperary on Saturday (I even scored a few goals), and Marys won thier Intermediate game (a few points) and then we won the senior match as well.

The frustrating thing was watching Roscommon on Sunday putting in an tired "could'nt care less" performance and getting beaten by Mayo, even worse was the fact that some of them seemed quite pleased with themselves afterward.

Anyway I am sending Val Daly the manager a copy of the "Little Prince" by Antoine D'Exubery.

In the tale of the little prince, our hero lives on a tiny planet, where his jobs each day include cleaning out his two volcanos and digging up any baobabs he sees.

Now a boabab is a small tree which has no interest in anything but itself, and if you don't cut it out of the ground when it is small and young. it will simply smother and take over everything on the planet, therefore the whole planet will be overrun by Boababs if you don't keep a constant look out for them and if you don't take the necessary action to dig them up and weed them out as soon as you spot one!

The Roscommon County board seems to have a policy of appeasing, watering and fertilising thier Boababs, they sacrificed a decent manager and a decent man for the sake of them.

Take heed Val, if you don't weed out the Boababs, they'll get ya.

What are you going to do about it?

They say women can multitask and men can't....... i'm not sure that multi tasking is all it's cracked up to be. have you ever tried to listen to a song and have a conversation at the same time? Or have you ever tried to have two telephone conversations at the same time. It's kinda impossible to do without focussing on one and letting the other one suffer.

Now we should not be in the business of making anybody suffer, least of all ourselves, therefore do one thing at a time, the trick here is not actually doing one thing at a time, the hard part is working out what really needs to be done now or next, and focussing on it without getting distracted by the 243 other things that need to be done.

We all have no problems doing the things we like doing, our motivation to do those things is high, but what about the stuff that we are not that motivated to do, but that will cause us a great degree of hassle in the future if they are not done.

I've had a pile of invoices that need to be entered on the system, this is a job i hate and keep putting off, doing anything else that's interesting in the meantime. the big problem is that nothing gets done unless somebody does it, and because I work on my own I have to delegate this job to myself, and while there are interesting people to be called and interesting articles to be written I keep procrastinating and putting the boring jobs on the long finger, and they are still there bothering me today, and will be tomorrow and next week, unless I do something about it.

And this is the key coaching question, we all know the answers for whatever it is in our own lives, What are you going to do about it? What I'm going to do right now is make a cup of coffee, and finish this blog and guess what, I can ask myself the same question on Monday next, and Tuesday next, and forever more until I either voluntarily do it, or someone forces me to.

I'll do it today!

Beware the Fundies!

Everywhere I turn this week I seem to notice the Christians taking over the world.....

The "Christian right" is surely the greatest oxymoron of them all.

If Jesus stood for anything he stood for social justice and forgivness, still we have these bible thumping arseholes all over the world hijacking Christianity to take advantage of people and propogate hatred.

There's a guy up north called Clifford Peoples, who was recently convicted of possession of pipebombs and distribution of inflammatory material. and you want to see the bould Clifford lepping and singing with his congregation.

And then you have this Bush guy, bombing the world in the name of the lord, and the other flutes bombing themselves in the name of Allah....

I have no bloody idea anymore, except to say that no one is perfect, and that those who think they have found the way, the ones who have "seen the light" they are the most dangerous of all.

Lord preserve me from fundamentalists.

Gazza!

I just finished Paul Gascoignes autobiography. It's a portrait of a talented selfish and attention seeking individual who has always looked to others to shoulder the responsibility of his own actions.

It's also the story of a kind generous person who was largely the result of a thoughtless and traumatic upbringing.

There's just no "perfect" in anyones life.

In this book it's easy to see that we all have two overlapping personalities, the one that is capable of wonderful gestures and extraordinary caring and love. and the one which in moments of self loathing is capable of desperate acts of hate and selfishness.

The woes of Gazza largely stemmed from his inability to accept and love himself. It's a place we all regularly find ourselves. (I had a row with my daughter this morning and am in that place right now). There are times when we can't see the good side of ourselves at all, this leads to despair and then there are times when we can clearly see our value in the world and to those around us.

At 40 I've seen enough to know the "perfect front" is just that! a perfect front. If you don't believe me just watch a few episodes of desperate housewives. and never envy anyone what they are or have, you have no idea what's going on in thier lives, you have no idea the price that has been paid.

Tuesdays with Morrie

I found this on a fabulous blog called www.postsecrets.com

I regularly take the days for granted, the small stuff getting on top of me. The girls won't go to bed, another bill wanders through the letterbox, somebody makes a throwaway comment, I see something on the news or a thought of an unpleasant memory drifts into my head.

I get myself into knots when I over analyze things. When I put huge pressure on myself or when I deny myself the things I love in my life.

I can think of nothing sillier that those Saints who used to flog themselves, tie chains around thier bodies and starve themselves for weeks.

Makes no bloody sense to me to deny yourself the enjoyment of the pleasure that is life, sure we all have to have boundaries, but feck it, do your best and don't hurt anyone along the way will do for me.

Jumping for Joy (and Cathy)

Jump

Today I feel incredibly grateful for all the stuff that adds up to my life.
I feel grateful for the body that has served me well regardless of how I abused it (and boy did I?)
I feel grateful for the mind that although muddles at times has brought me great clarity.
I feel grateful for all the "shit" in my life that has thought me the lessons I needed to learn and for all the difficult people that have informed decisions I have made about what's important in this life.
I am thankful for my family, my friends, my children, my work, my customers, my suppliers, my coaches and for you (whoever you are).

There's a terribly damaging misunderstanding out there of what it means to be an Optimist, people think we are just pollyannas who pretend to keep smiling no matter what rubbish comes our way. The major difference between optimists and pessimists is the way we view our lives.
Optimists understand that life is full of crap but we know that it will pass, that it's temporary and that we will be capable and happy again.
Pessimists believe that the bad stuff in their lives is both permanent and pervasive and they justify this by calling themselves "realists". It's bollix really, we all have strengths and weaknesses, good times and bad times.

I'm glad today that I can focus on what I have rather than what I don't have ......yet. I liked this presentation very much...have a look and see if it sparks off some gratitude in you. www.thesurvivormovie.com

Planting a tree!

I got a lovely apple tree from TJ and Eileen for my birthday recently, whi8ch was really thoughtful of them. I left it sitting in a pot for the last 3 weeks cos I could never get round to planting it, but I put it in the ground today.

I wonder whats in front of it, I wonder will I ever get to see it grow, When I move house I wonder whose children will get to play in it or taste it's fruit, and I wonder will they ever think about how it got there, will they know that it came through friendship, will they know that it symbolised such a lot for me.

The moment of revelation that Newton had under an apple tree, my business and the courage it took to begin it, the constant learning that I must go through, the pain that grows things. or will they just think "hey nice apples"

Probably the latter, and if they do well fair dues to them....I hope i get to enjoy it, my children get to enjoy it and when I am long gone that others whom I've never known will sit beneath it and think "life is good"

Sleepy Saturdays

Today was great..... a bit too busy to be a relaxing saturday but still a lot of fun... the funniest bit was sitting down on a couch in a large store and being woken up twenty minutes later by a security guard who was wondering what the hell i was doing snoozing on the furniture.

am too tired to write a long blog....so i'll pick up after i've had a good snooze in my own bed.... hope no security guard interrupts that

A Tom Waits Kind Of Day

As Gloomy as Tom!

Today has been one of those testing days, bad weather, bad news, bad traffic, bad vibes and just a general Tom Waits kind of day.

The sort of day when I would really like to curl up in a quiet corner with my favourite Tom Waits albums and not face the world at all.

I feel like having a scatter of pints today for the first time in ages, but running away is not the answer, the answer is probably in accepting that it's ok not to feel on top of the world 24/7 and allowing myself to feel crap every once in a while knowing full well that it will pass.

Cut stuff to do back to the bare essentials. only doing stuff that will prevent big complications if it's not done.

The thing is it's OK. This is just the way life is, there are 51% days and 49% days and today is a 49. Still when I hear the opening chords of "Christmas card from a hooker in Minneapolis" I'll know that I'm not alone.

Hang him high??????

This is the crazy frog.... this guy has made over 30 million for his creators, he has been downloaded millions of times and now he's number one in the British charts. He's also my first solid real evidence that I'm getting old. Why? Cos I don't understand him thats why! I don't understand the attraction and so find myself in the position my parents were in when the Boomtown Rats came along. and do I like it?.....not one tiny little bit.... will i stop my children downloading him? of course not....just cos I don't understand something does not give me the right to either ban it nor criticise it. this fella obviously has a huge attraction to todays children,but then we had hula hoops and raleigh choppers, and in fairness St Winifreds school choir, Renee & Renata and Joe Dolce got to number one too and they haven't aged that well either