it's a funny time Christmas!

I suppose the most important things about Christmas from a parent's viewpoint is that the children enjoy it, that it's not too stressful. that we don't get into any major arguments and that we feel happy and OK about ourselves as partners, parents and family members.

From that perspective i've had a lovely one, the girls got lovely stuff and have been consumed by them since, so it's been fairly quiet, which was important as my mum spent Christmas with us, it was not easy for her as Dad is only dead ten weeks and the wounds and lonesomeness are never far from her. She got through it and has just returned home, it's a bit difficult because the rest of us have moved on somewhat and begun to settle back into our lives, it's almost impossible for mum as Dad was her life and now that he's gone she feels helpless and everything seems a bit poiintless.

I had a great Christmas eve, we whizzed round the shops with very little to buy, and had a lovely time just meeting people and generally doing very little, in the evening Enda and I went to town and had great fun for a few hours before getting home to put stuff together and wrap for Ireland.

Christmas day was a lovely breakfast, mass, the Christmas day swim (i only raised €345 but then i only got bloody cards on Christmas eve) which was great fun and exhilarating, and then home for present opening (i got really great gifts this year) Cooking dinner was a blast and it was lovely, we rounded off the night with one of my favourite movies (which Cathy bought me on DVD) "Life is beautiful" and then we laughed and cried before traipsing off to bed.

The only downside was the re-emergence of that bloody toothache, but i got over that and today was better from that perspective.

today we all got up late, i went to curry's and got €100 off the beautiful klipsch igroove, brought it home and have been doodling and fluting since. expect tonight to bring more of the same.

have now started "The God Delusion' by Richard dawkins..... wonder what effect that's going to have!

what's the difference?

The last week or two has been amazing for me.... have had so many ideas springing up that sometimes i can't keep up, this post is a attempt to figure out another one.

our biggest fear, doubt, insecurity is being found out, of people discovering what we feel we are "really like" we think that if people could really see us, if we were exposed, that people might be shocked, and we might be laughed at, humiliated, ridiculed or ostracised.

the space between the person we show to others, and how we think we really are is a massive determinant of how safe and secire we feel in our lives. this has a lot to do with how much "pretending" we do and how we "really" feel about ourselves.

when that gap is narrow, either by lowering our pretending or by feeling better about ourselves, we feel safe and confident.

but when it's a big GAP, either by us feeling terrible about ourselves, or by expecting huge amounts from ourselves, then we feel insecure, doubtful, worried and plain bloody terrified about ourselves.

success is not about cars, or bars or even stars!

confidence and success is about believing, really believing who the we are..... and being brave enough to authentically present that to the world.... there will always be a difference, but we have the choice of whether it's a small difference, or a gaping chasm... if it's one of those then all the recognition, awards, material stuff and crap in the world won't make a blind feckin bit of difference.

be brave

Just a notch or two!

Seems like bloody years since i updated this blog, am in Cork, was in Dublin all last week, am in Galway later this week, and then my friends it's Christmas, and during Christmas, i fully intend to do sweet FA.

I'm hugely enjoying my work at the moment, coaching (which i had sometimes began to doubt) is an amazing process, and the insights and tweaks we are getting are just wonderful.

I've also discovered something amazing, i'm currently calling it the "polar oposite defence" and i think it's the most important thing i have dicovered since i began coaching seriously 4 years ago. The polar opposite defence basically means running to the very opposite of the behaviour challenged in order to defer or avoid making the necessary changes.

For example, if it emerges that the issue someone has centres around the fact that they are over protective of information, the coachee will often say.. "oh i suppose i should be running around the place letting everyone know what's going on like some kind of town crier"

This constant running to the very opposite of the behaviour in order to avoid taking the necessary action to move a notch or two in that direction is used as a justification of the current behaviour and keeps the person stuck with the same challenges they presented with, so someone who's issue is a desire to control everything will say... "oh so i should let them all run riot then should i?" when what might work is giving them a bit more freedom and then seeing how it al works out... but it's easier to justify the current position and do nothing.

i'm going to use some time at christmas to develop this idea and discover how people can move things a notch or two and continue with experimentation all life long rather than taking a strong position and justifying it.

so much for sweet FA.

Happy Christmas.

postitioning the proposition

Just had a couple of brilliant days, yesterday i had a new group and the day before i had a new client and the same issue sprang up, how do we position our proposition, do we go in as the experts, or is it better to seek peoples input in a collobrative approach.

yesterday i positioned my work to a group better than i ever have before, it came naturally, however like baking the perfect loaf, i'm buggered if i can remember the exact ingredients, or the exact order, but i know it turned out superb

i think there were two key points

me being here does not mean there is something wrong with you
and
I'm not here to change or manipulate you, who you are, your personality, or your perceptions.

what i can do is help you to gain awareness, and maybe tweak one or two things, with your agreement, that will lead you to better results


sorry i'm scribbling here in a rush.....