Lost.

Had a lovely weekend, but feel totally lost for the last day or so, went down yesterday to visit Ger's family and I have so much going on in my head since.

I have hundreds of questions, but the most important one is "why Ger and not me?", and the randomness of it all makes me very angry, actually that's not what makes me angry, what really angers me is the people who try to explain... who try to explain it through religion mostly, I can understand how we can tell children stories to make them feel better and understand, a bit like Santa Claus, but as adults surely we can accept that parts of life are completely random and can't be controlled no matter what you do.

Two things.

1. Yesterday afternoon the limerick manager Richie Bennis was interviewed after a match and he put the win down to the fact that he attended a novena in limerick during the week, and described the win as "our lady's first miracle for limerick" I mean FOR FUCK'S SAKE" did the Tipperary people not pray hard enough or something, it's bloody ridiculous that we laugh at native americans doing rain dances and new guineans putting bones through their noses, but we believe this shit... maybe if Ger had prayed harder... well that's your reasoning Richie....I give up.

2. Actually i can't be bothered about the second thing.... still angry but think the rant has helped me a little bit... the thing about life is that there's no grand plan lads... it's a combination of personal choices and random chance... looking to the heavens, or doing a dance, or putting the bone through your nose in an futile attempt to believe that we can guide the chance bit is just delusional, maybe it helps some people to deflect responsibility for just living as big and as free and as strong as they can, but I'll take my chances thanks very much.