What a wonderful movie the Princess Bride was, stupid but wonderful.
I have been thinking a lot the last few days (too much) and I now know that I usually see my whole life as a competition, and everyone in it as a competitor.
Now I know where this comes from, when I was younger I would bring my school reports home and in some subjects I would get A's, but back then they also wrote down your position in the class, and unless I was 1st, my father was not happy, second was no good!
These days this thinking still haunts me, if I get up at 6 to go to work I feel good until I notice all the other people who have been up already and I feel like a loser, if I perform really well at something I feel good until I'm compared to someone better and then I feel a loser again.
The problem is simple, I see life as a competition in which I am up against everybody, in everything and therefore I simply cannot win. I cannot beat everybody and be the best at everything, It's impossible, my dissapointment (my fathers dissapointment) is inevitable.
Now I can decide to continually put myself through this drama with it's entirely predictable consequences, or I can withdraw from the competition. If I get up at ten nobody gives a fuck, If I get to work at 11 nobody gives a fuck, If I quit at 3.30 nobody gives a fuck, If I do my best and still finish 227th, who gives a fuck?
I am going to stop living my life as if it's going to be the lead item on the six o'clock news, as if it will be analysed in sundays papers, nobody really gives a fuck anyway so I'm just going to get on with it.
